5 Life Lessons we can learn Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

1.  Live Passionately – “I submit to you that if a man hasn’t discovered something that he will die for, he isn’t fit to live.”
2. We’re all connected – “Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly.  I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you outright to be.  This is the interrelated structure of society.”
3. Violence isn’t the answer – “We who engage in nonviolent direct action are not the creators of tension.  We merely bring to the surface the hidden tension that is already alive.”
4. Love is the answer – “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that.  Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that.”
5. Believe – “Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.”

Peace – from my heart to yours,

Karen

California Companies: Are you in compliance?? You need to be.

Employers subject to California’s mandatory “AB 1825” sexual harassment training requirement for supervisors will need to revise their programs to include prevention of “abusive conduct,” following an amendment (AB 2053) to California’s Fair Employment and Housing Act (FEHA).

There is a new training requirement that applies to employers where AB 1825 already applies and ALL California government employers and private employers with 50 or more employees are required to apply this training to their supervisory employees.

If you haven’t provided the necessary training, call us at Conflict Coaching Company and we will gladly educate your staff so you are fully compliant in 2015.  Don’t delay!

1-855-333-3903

Young Men, Sex, and Urge Ownership (And Why It’s Not The Girl’s Problem)

Great article! Young men, women, parents, anyone…what do you think?

john pavlovitz

Young men, I need to tell you something; something that maybe your fathers, or your coaches, or your uncles, or your buddies never told you, but something that you really need to hear.

Your sex drive? It’s your problem.

I know you’ve been led to believe that it’s the girl’s fault; the way she dresses, the shape of her body, her flirtatious nature, her mixed messages.

I know you’ve grown-up reading and hearing that since guys are really “visual”, that the ladies need to manage all of that by covering-up and keeping it hidden; that they need to drive this whole physical relationship deal, because we’re not capable.

That’s a load of crap.

You and me, we are visual.
We do love the shape of women’s bodies.
We are tempted and aroused by their physicality.

And all of that, is on us, not on them.

You see, we actually live…

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What the @$#?! – Handling the unexpected situations in life

National Domestic Violence Awareness Month Press Release

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

 

Contact:

Karen Harold

3000 T Street, Suite 105

Sacramento, CA 95816

Phone: (916) 271-4634

http://www.karenharold.com

karen@karenharold.com

 

October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month

 

Sacramento, CA – October 2, 2013 – Domestic violence is abusive behavior that is physical, sexual, and/or psychological, intended to establish and maintain control over a partner.  Domestic violence is a serious problem that affects people from all walks of life.

 

Each October, national domestic violence organizations sponsor Domestic Violence Awareness activities to raise awareness about domestic abuse at the local, regional, and national level.  Government agencies, corporate and business leaders, professional associations, law enforcement agencies, hospitals, and others take part in these important awareness activities.

 

Our goal is to increase the awareness of Domestic Violence in our community and provide support, resources, and educations for family members, friends, communities, and corporations.  We offer anger management, conflict resolution, parenting, and stress reduction programs as well as other family, business, and community focused services.

 

We have content material for a special weekly segment designed to educate our community, offer ways to get involved and contact and reference information to appropriate organizations.  We have weekly topics to be presented throughout the month for local media outlets to heighten the awareness of the community and educate families to be safe and violence free.  The topics are:

 

• Domestic Violence – Describe the types of abuse
• Warning Signs and Myths
• Community Statistics
• Local/Regional Resources  – How to get help (victims and batterers)

 

Studies show that children who witness violence at home experience behavioral problems and increased aggression, have less developed social and conflict resolution skills, and may suffer long-term development effects.  These youth are also at risk of engaging in future violence and of being abused themselves.  Researchers have found that people who batter their partners are also more likely to abuse their children.

 

Through landmark legislation, The Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) was developed to address criminal justice and community-based responses to domestic violence, dating violence, sexual assault, and stalking in the United States.  Within its multiple purposes it provides victims access to services and support from the justice system.

 

Karen Harold and Associates coach individuals, groups, families, and workplaces in mediating conflict, managing anger, and creating a better pattern of communication.

 

For information:  http://www.karenharold.com

Contact:  karen@karenharold.com

Phone:  (916) 271-4634

Putting Life in Perspective

We all go through the trials and triumphs of life, and an important key to our happiness and peace is how we think through and manage situations.  Do you become angry and simmer with frustration with situations that don’t work in your favor?  Do you choose to let things roll off your back and continue on your path?  The way we approach life has a great impact on the level of contentment we feel.

Yes, we all have experienced times of hardship.  Sometimes we may have surmised that the situation or problem is worse than it really is.  This negative stream of self-talk is dangerous and can lead to significant stress.  Our challenge is to look at each situation with the goal of resolving the stressful situation to the best of our ability to avoid it turning into a situation of distress.  How can it be done?

Here are some strategies…

• Take care of yourself:  Self-care is important to renew, refresh, and re-energize your body, mind, and spirit.  If you don’t take care of yourself, how can you care for others or live a fulfilling life?

• Physical Activity:  Release the pressure from stressful situations by taking a walk or going to the gym.  Some people find relief by cleaning their house or dancing around with loud music! 

• Understand and know your limits:  Learn to recognize that some situations are beyond your control and if that is the case, learn to let it go and accept the situation for what it is.

• Don’t medicate the problem with drugs or alcohol:  This is an unhealthy way to cope with problems and can lead to more significant issues such as addiction.

• Share:  If you don’t have a close friend to talk to, contact a local counselor, pastor, or even speak to your medical doctor to get some guidance or feedback.

 

Stress is a normal part of life.  We can wallow in the difficulty of our circumstances or be proactive and do what we need to live life to the fullest.  Tomorrow is not promised.  Sometimes it may take the shock of an unexpected loss to help us see that. 

Situations can change your perspective on life in an instant and help you to understand that life is precious and we need to embrace it fully each day. 

FB: Karen, The Conflict Coach

Twitter: @karenharold

Under Construction

This term has been a great source of frustration in the past 8 weeks.  Unfortunately, through forces out of my control, my website has been down.  Frantic calls to my developer and technical consultants didn’t yield the desired results I was looking for.  Why?  My. Site. Is. Still. Down.   Actually, it’s not really down.  It’s gone!

Hours and hours of work including building structure, using plug-ins, writing content, posting videos and…my blog!  And you know that didn’t happen for free.  Nevertheless, it’s gone, disappeared, è fatto!

Now what?

Well…after fuming for a few hours, I resigned myself to the realization that I have to find a way to make the necessary changes as expeditiously and economically as possible.  My business depends on it.  And I fear have lost some momentum as the site is the first place people look to read about what I and my associates offer.

In the meanwhile, I keep up with my blogging (which you are reading now), stay engaged on social media (you’ve Liked me on Karen, The Conflict Coach on FB and Followed me on @karenharold on Twitter, right?!?), and market my training, coaching, and mediation services.

My calendar is beginning to fill for speaking engagements despite my primary online brochure being down.  I’m still providing professional training consultants to my clients when I’m not available, and looking forward to being more involved in my local chamber.

Needless to say, I’m not sitting on my hands (else…I couldn’t type)

In general…this is how we need to face frustrations, disappointments, and anger.  Feel what you need to, but be careful with how you act.  Be careful of your internal dialog (awfulizations and blame language) and focus on healthy coping methods.  If there is something within your control to effectively and productively create change, then do it and move on.  Yes, it may hurt along the way.  Nope…it might not be fair, however you have the take the steps to move forward if you want to see success in your future.

So…sigh…I need to get back to content development and uploading for the new website.  I’ve decided to tackle this own my own and am working on a self-imposed deadline to allow me to offer a special discount on training and coaching services by Labor Day.  (Get it, labor day – me…facilitator and coach in labor relations/human resources/supervisory/employee development…you know what I mean?)

Please forgive me.  I have to have some level of lame silliness and humor to keep going.  Smile with me and stay tuned.  New website reveal coming soon!

Thank you for letting me share.  Have an amazing day!

Choice and Consequences

 

I may have posted this recently, however it’s worth reposting.

At what point is it learned  that  by choosing our choices we also have to accept the consequences?  Where does projection and blame lie?  Who is going to tell us that we can no longer look to another person for the failings of our life and realize that we are where we are due to our deliberate action and inaction?

“I’m in a terrible relationship.”

” My s.o. is fat, lazy, and boring.”

” They don’t do x, y, and z.  BUT…I can’t leave them because they would be helpless, homeless, heartbroken without me.” 

“My job drains my joy.  I work with people who don’t have a clue, I tolerate stupidity, and I work 12 unappreciated hours a day.”

” I have no time for fun, joy, relaxation, or peace.  I have to work as long as I do. “

“My children don’t listen.  They yell, curse, and show disrespect to all around.  They are out of control.  I love them, but I don’t know what do to.”

How’s this for a concept:

Helplessness and excessive dependence in relationships with significant others or anyone else is no excuse for not establishing and maintaining personal boundaries.  You cannot be taken advantage of unless you allow it to happen.  Disrespect and discipline are tied together by one aspect – choice.  You can either allow it to happen and react by participating in destructive communication patterns, or establish goals, set standards, and follow through. 

You ARE capable of making choices to no longer enable unhealthy behavior of others or YOU ARE THE PROBLEM. 

No more excuses.  No more blame – it’s time to look in the mirror and hold the appropriate person accountable.

Do you know what the amazing thing is?  It is so liberating!  Will it be uncomfortable at times?  Yes.  Will people respond differently?  Sure.  Will it change the foundation of your life?  Absolutely. 

Is it worth it?  I don’t know…is it?

Twitter:  @karenharold

Facebook:  Karen, The Conflict Coach

Help me…I’m dating challenged!

 

I’m usually the one who helps others with the conflicts and challenges of life, but now it’s my turn to get some insight and feedback!

I’ve had this discussion with several people over the last few weeks about the dregs of the dating world.  Tonight I was talking to my daughter and told her the words she clearly has been waiting to hear:  “Yes, I’m really ready to be in a relationship”. 

“Yaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy!”  Geez…I think she’s happy.

Sure…there are wonderful men and women that are searching for someone to share their life with, however where does one go…especially at my age?  Blind date?  I did that in my teens.  Online dating? Epic fail!  Activities?  Yep…I’m involved in dancing, yoga… I’ll go to a salsa club now and then, take myself to dinner and a movie, go on an art walk, sit in a book store, visit happy hour in an nice bar, travel alone, but nothing, nada, zero…sigh!

Recently friends have been considering playing cupid to connect me with eligible bachelors that they believe might be compatible, but…there aren’t any!  Hmmm…very sad state of affairs if I do say so myself. 

BUT…for this evening, at least, I’m going to daydream about my Hollywood beaus…Robert De Niro, Bradley Cooper , Ryan Gossling,  Andy Garcia, Vincent D’Onofrio, and after The Great Gatsby,  Leonardo Di Caprio…not all, but my subconscious will bring someone in my mind.

I can dream can’t I? Let’s see how I feel in the morning 🙂

Twitter: @karenharold

Facebook:  Karen, The Conflict Coach

 

Cranky Old Man

 

This was on my news feed in Facebook and I found it beautiful and touching.  It made me think of my loved ones who have passed on and I hope it changes your heart when you see our elders…love, honor, and respect…

 

When an old man died in the geriatric ward of a nursing home in an Australian country town, it was believed that he had nothing left of any value.
Later, when the nurses were going through his meager possessions, They found this poem. Its quality and content so impressed the staff that copies were made and distributed to every nurse in the hospital.
One nurse took her copy to Melbourne .. The old man’s sole bequest to posterity has since appeared in the Christmas editions of magazines around the country and appearing in mags for Mental Health. A slide presentation has also been made based on his simple, but eloquent, poem.
And this old man, with nothing left to give to the world, is now the author of this ‘anonymous’ poem winging across the Internet.

Cranky Old Man…..
What do you see nurses? . . .. . .What do you see?
What are you thinking .. . when you’re looking at me?
A cranky old man, . . . . . .not very wise,
Uncertain of habit .. . . . . . . .. with faraway eyes?
Who dribbles his food .. . … . . and makes no reply.
When you say in a loud voice . .’I do wish you’d try!’
Who seems not to notice . . .the things that you do.
And forever is losing . . . . . .. . . A sock or shoe?
Who, resisting or not . . . … lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding . . . .The long day to fill?
Is that what you’re thinking?. .Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse .you’re not looking at me.
I’ll tell you who I am . . . . .. As I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding, .. . . . as I eat at your will.
I’m a small child of Ten . .with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters .. . . .. . who love one another
A young boy of Sixteen . . . .. with wings on his feet
Dreaming that soon now . . .. . . a lover he’ll meet.
A groom soon at Twenty . . . ..my heart gives a leap.
Remembering, the vows .. .. .that I promised to keep.
At Twenty-Five, now . . . . .I have young of my own.
Who need me to guide . . . And a secure happy home.
A man of Thirty . .. . . . . My young now grown fast,
Bound to each other . . .. With ties that should last.
At Forty, my young sons .. .have grown and are gone,
But my woman is beside me . . to see I don’t mourn.
At Fifty, once more, .. …Babies play ’round my knee,
Again, we know children . . . . My loved one and me.
Dark days are upon me . . . . My wife is now dead.
I look at the future … . . . . I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing .. . . young of their own.
And I think of the years . . . And the love that I’ve known.
I’m now an old man . . . . . . .. and nature is cruel.
It’s jest to make old age . . . . . . . look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles .. .. . grace and vigour, depart.
There is now a stone . . . where I once had a heart.
But inside this old carcass . A young man still dwells,
And now and again . . . . . my battered heart swells
I remember the joys . . . . .. . I remember the pain.
And I’m loving and living . . . . . . . life over again.
I think of the years, all too few . . .. gone too fast.
And accept the stark fact . . . that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, people .. . . . .. . . open and see.
Not a cranky old man .
Look closer . . . . see .. .. . .. …. . ME!!

 

Twitter:  @karenharold

Facebook: Karen, The Conflict Coach